Define "chronic" masturbator.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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