it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
