Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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