My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
