Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
