apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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