1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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