is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
