I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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