Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
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Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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