After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
