I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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