That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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