quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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