i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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