Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
