You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
