I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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