Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
