how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
