I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
