I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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