a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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