I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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