Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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