last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
