i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she was so not down for the gang bang
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
