Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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