defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize