he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
