I met the friendliest cop last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
