Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
