My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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