the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Someone came in the potted fern
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
