hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
