Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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