We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
