We named our party play list daddy issues
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
