Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
