You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
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You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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