can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
