put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
