The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
