You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
