you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
