I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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