If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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