i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
