what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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