My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
foreskin is a definite game changer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
