I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
