WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Mom said you looked used
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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