those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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