So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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