It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
