i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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