The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
