Cold hands, warm shart.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
