You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
