Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Will exercising make me less horny?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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