so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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