The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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