If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
