I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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