Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
