i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
