I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
