Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
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How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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