If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
