his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
