I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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