did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
