I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we made out on top of his cat.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
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I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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