i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You can't special order awesome
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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