If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
