Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
