Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
