I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
my liver is dry heaving
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
