She is in my trunk
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
