I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
