i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
