when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
