After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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