i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
