Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
