i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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