her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
