He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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