I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
