Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
