I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
