Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
