I just pynch a tree in the face
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
