she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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