Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
