I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
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Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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