I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
